Greedy unhelpfull class trainers in wow - Thread of lulz

[youwish]

This is the post on the official forums:
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Here's a few quotes from the post:

Rogue Trainer: "Here's Sinister Strike Rank 2. It involves twisting the blade as you connect with your target's torso, causing greater injury than before."
Rogue: "What if I twist the blade... and use more force when stabbing?"
Rogue Trainer: "That's Rank 3, you can't do that yet."
Rogue: "Sure I can, see? Just gotta move my arm a little faster."
Rogue Trainer: "Stop that."
Rogue: "Hey, I bet I could get better results with my Backstab and Ambush using these same techniques."
Rogue Trainer: "No, you can't do that until I tell you about it."
Rogue: "Dude, is this all there is? Just... you know, stabbing people harder?"
Rogue Trainer: "It's far more complex than that. You have to be at the right level to have the appropriate Strength and Agility in order to attack with the required amount of force."
Rogue: "So... If I just always attack with the most force, won't I always be using the highest Rank of my attacks?"
Rogue Trainer: "You're going to have to leave before I contact a GM."

Trainer: Observe quick and elusive monkey. Move with his grace and agility to confound your foes' strikes.
Hunter: Cool.
Trainer: Let the hawk's deadly eye become your own, increasing the effectiveness of your attacks.
Hunter: Sick!
Trainer: Incorporate the cheetah's energy and ferocity into your stride, allowing you to move at great speeds.
Hunter: Heck yeah!
Trainer: You know how snakes regenerate mana?
Hunter: Aweso - - What..?
Trainer: Yeah. Do that.

You have to love weapon trainers.

Player: I've come to learn how to hit things with maces.
Trainer: Ok first you need a mace, this is what a mace looks like.
Player: I bought a mace, now how do I use it effectively.
Trainer: I can only show you what a mace is, you're going to have to go whack a mob over 1000 times to learn how to use it effectively.
Player: You son of a....
Trainer: 10 s please.

Paladin trainer: I will teach you how to block better, with the power of the light!
Roden: Okay, so how?
Paladin trainer: Grab your shield, and raise it to waist level, and the holy light will imbune it!
Roden: ... Thats what I normally do, gimme back me 10 gold!
Paladin trainer: No, but this time, you hold it more steady!
Roden: Run, i'm going to kill you. BY THE POWER OF THE LIGHT, BURN!!!

Trainer: "Okay, today is Greater Heal. You know that Heal thing I showed you. Imagine that. But bigger. MUCH bigger.
Priest: "But..that's what you said about lesser heal after you showed me heal..."
Trainer: I'm sorry. You already gave me your money. We're closed."

Priest Trainer: Today we are going to teach you how to mind control.
Priest:Yay!
Priest Trainer: (read fast) Now take all your magic and combine it into the tip of your fingers, now send that magic at your opponent. In order to take control of their mind you need to penetrate their mental barrier, do this by imagining that you're magical energy is encoded with a penetrating aura which allows you to break through mental blocks. Onces you get through their mental block you are going to seize control of their mind. Do this by imagining you are them and that you control their every movement through their own thoughts.
Priest: wahh?
Priest Trainer: 90 Silver, KTHXBI!

Rogue Trainer: Wanna learn how to run fast?
Rogue: Sure!
Rogue Trainer: Run faster than usual. But be careful, you can only do this once per 5 minutes.
Rogue: Why?
Rogue Trainer: Just because.

You gain an ability: Sprint <Rank 1>

SEVERAL LEVELS LATER...

Rogue: Hey, I'm back! What new skills do you have for me, today?
Rogue Trainer: You're gonna learn how to run faster.
Rogue: ...Err, why couldn't you teach me this before?
Rogue Trainer: Not fast enough. You can still only do it once per 5 minutes...
Rogue: Okay, teach me.
Rogue Trainer: Run faster than before.
Rogue: Damnit.
Rogue Trainer: That'll be 3 gold.
Rogue: !! Hey, wait, hold on--
Rogue Trainer: Too late. Your gold is already mine.

You gain an ability: Sprint <Rank 2>

Hunter: MY PET IS STARVING TO DEATH! WHAT DO I DO!
Trainer: Go talk to this guy in Ironforge.
Hunter: MY PET IS DYING!
Trainer: Go talk to this guy in Ironforge.

Druid Trainer: You know the moon?
Druid: Yeah the moon f#%^ing rocks.
Druid Trainer: Would it be sick of fire shot out of it.
Druid: F$%^ yeah.
Druid Trainer: Oh, wait you aren't ready for this spell.
Druid: Wait, what?
Druid Trainer: L2Level
Druid: QQ

Trainer: Now you shall learn to execute your enemies!
Warrior: Cool!
Trainer: Simply whack em hard once their almost dead already to massively overkill them.
Warrior: Why can't I execute them BEFORE massively wounding them?
Trainer: You can't. Period. Also, whenever you execute someone, you lose all of your anger, and your world is filled wth kittens.
Warrior: ???
Trainer: 5g now kthxbai
Warrior: Wait!
Trainer: Say, want to learn how to spin in circles?

Trainer : I am now going to teach you how to bring back the dead during battle.

Druid: No friggin wai.

Trainer : FIrst. Watch very carefully. *Cracks squirrel on head with mace* Watching? *Throws a seed at the squirrels head bringing it back to life* Its a night elf secret. If anyone asks, its a magical seed. Only use it once every 20 minutes to make people believe this.

Druid :HOLY CRAP where do i get these magical seeds?!

Trainer : no they aren't really magical. Just get them off a reagent vendor.

Druid : oh..but say..if i needed to bring two people back to life..could i jus

Trainer ;NO YOU MUST NEVER USE IT OUTSIDE OF 20 MINUTES!

druid : WHY NOT!

Trainer : Or i'll kill you.

druid : but we could help people!

Trainer : Go bear form for a moment would ya?

druid : *goes bear form*

Trainer : BEAR IN THE PARK KILL IT, ITS RABID!

druid : *dies to hundreds of guards.*

Trainer : *smacks druid in head with a seed, druid comes alive*

Druid :...i get it i get it.

Shaman: I'm here for my level 70 training session!
Shaman Trainer: YOU HAVEN'T REROLLED YET???? HEY PHIL!! THIS GUY'S STILL A SHAMAN!!!!
PHIL: HAHAHAHAHA!
Shaman Trainer: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

mage: howdy

mage trainer: today i teach you how to make food and water by using arcane energies.

mage: wow, i'll be rich and famous for solving world hunger.

mage trainer: ummm, yea...can I have a stack of water please?

paladin trainer: someone say water, hey can I get a few stacks please?

rogue trainer: need food please.

warrior trainer: hey everybody, free food and water!

mage: dam how did that blink spell go again...oh yea ::blink::....ahh safe.

mage trainer: ummm...i'm not sure what rank blink works 100% of the time but since you're still here let me show you how to make a table...lot's of famished people around here...

Epic mount training...
Trainer: Hey Genetic, you know how you've been riding that slow tiger around for 20 levels?
Genetic: Yeah... It's starting to feel a bit slow...
Trainer: Yeah...Sorry mate, I taught you the wrong way to ride a tiger.
Genetic: What? Do I get a refund or something?
Trainer: Nope, no refund policy, BUT! For only 1000g, I can teach you the RIGHT way to ride a tiger!
Genetic: %#^& you...

And there's a shitload more in the thread, i just cant be arsed pasting more :P

[Ermok]

****ing Lolable
+3 rep