There was a man sunbathing naked on the beach. A young girl came along and pointed at his dingly dangly and said, "What is that?"
"It's my bird!," he replied.
She ran away and started playing around in the sand cheerfully. The man fell asleep. zZzZzZz.
Later he woke up in the hospital with an extreme pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought that the girl might know what had happened, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her.
"I played with the bird," she said. But it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest.
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What A Wonderful Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$68,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a pair of Labrador Retrievers. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dogs stood on their hind legs, put their front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. They then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook their heads. The vet patted the dogs, took them out of the room and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab Reports and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."
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Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.
* Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
* The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
* The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
* The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
* The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
* The first worm in alcohol - dead.
* Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
* Third worm in sperm - dead.
* Fourth worm in soil - alive.
So the Science teacher asked the class - "What can you learn from this experiment."
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think," and shazam...
Lol this is a true fact that 75% of the Worlds Blondes are Retarded and That does not include neinteen lol
Some Funny Stuff
<- lol I took that pic
The Unofficial MMOwned Radio Station! 
