As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," she said.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ."
20 people were lined up to enter heaven, but before they could enter heaven they could be granted one wish. So the first person comes up and says, "I wish I was beautiful!" then she was beautiful. The second person wished they were also beautiful, and the third and so on. Until the last person came up to the gates of heaven and started laughing. "What's so funny" God asked. "I wish they were all ugly again" said the man.
A couple have been dating for quite sometime now and the girl said that she was ready to go to the next step *sex*. But she wants him to meet her parents first tomorrow, after they have dinner. The boy gladly agrees, but realized that he knew almost NOTHING about sex, but he did know he needs condoms. So he goes to the pharmacy and starts looking at all of the different condoms.
Pharmacist: You don't know what you are doing do you? Boy: Not really, its my first time and I am really excited. The pharmacist takes the boy and sits him down and tells him ALL about sex and how to be safe. Hours later the boy gets up and grabs some condoms. Pharmacist: Will that be all? Boy: No I am going to need a bag, I think we will be doing this for awhile!
So happily the boy goes over to the girls house the next day and knocks on the door. The girl answers and he kisses her and immdeiatly sits down at the table, bows his head, and offers to say grace *prayer*. 10 seconds later, the family started to eat but the boy still was praying. A few minutes later the boy was still prayer. Until 10 minutes have passed by and the girl leans over and whispers. Girl: Wow I didn't know you were so religious. Boy: Yeah, well I didn't know your dad was the pharmacist!
Free Warhammer Open Beta Key!
Those who helped you ^^
